friedkitten.com - insanity included.

Here's an update about things that are clear so far, but much more currently remains unclear.

On Monday I had a talk with the representative of the customer I've been working at for the past 5 years. We went over the test I participated in last week, in order to see whom of 4 candidates would be best to fill a position at the customers company. If all of that sounds complicated, let's say that I work in an outsourcing type of job, which may help you get the situation. To make a long story short, he was quite happy and impressed with my test, but I also made some mistakes and was not as complete as I could have been. Two of the other candidates have been selected to make it to the final round, for which I congratulate them. Things change and evolve all the time and it was made clear that while I may have come in short this time, with the progress I've made so far, I will definitely be in the running should a similar position open up in the future.

Now... To make things slightly more complicated, the company I've been working for for the past 5 years, has lost the contract with our current customer, and starting January 1st 2009 another company will be providing the services on site. So for the next month or two, we will still be working on site, while we know we no longer will be doing so in 2009, at least not if we decide to stick with our current employer. I have little doubt that both my current employer as well as the one that has gotten the contract may be contacting me in order to see what I'll do.

For the time being, I'll refer to them as Company Current and Company Future. Company Current lost the contract, yet didn't officially fill us in till I was called around 16h00 today. Yet the customer had already handed over a letter to the colleagues and I yesterday around 13h30. In other words, a third party had to announce that a very important change was to affect us all, while my employer (Company Current) didn't even talk to me till 36 hours after the initial announcement. To say the least, I'm not all that pleased with their communicative skills, yet it doesn't surprise me either.

I have no clue what'll happen next, but I suppose it would be talking to both Company Current as well as Company Future to see what they have to offer and what guarantees they are willing to commit to. And no, I won't be considering verbal promises, I want things in writing.

To say the least, the situation is rather edgy and most people are running around like a chicken with its head chopped off, which really ticks me off. Example : when we started our day at 6AM this morning we had a few extra people to which we could assign tasks. By the time 9AM rolls around those are caught up doing tasks that were not planned, and by the time I get back at my desk around ten, we're one man down and I step into what seems a war zone with people discussing and generally being very agitated.

Whether or not they were right or wrong doesn't really matter. What was clear is that there was a lot of talking but very little work getting done, let alone it was up to par with the requirements in effect. Maybe I'm excellent at separating feelings and work, or have mastered the art of not giving a fuck anymore when some weird situation rolls around, but I really felt like I was the only one still trying to meet expectations and getting things done.

Tomorrow is yet another early shift, but I hope to have some time this weekend to sit down with everyone in the team to figure out what their intentions are or how they see things. I'll respect everyone's decision though, just as I expect others to respect mine when I take it (I have not, and won't till I've at least have talked with all parties).

Off to bed now, I'm more exhausted then I previously figured.

A lot of things are going on right now and I have not yet decided how I'll be dealing with them. An update may be forthcoming later today, though it would mostly provide background information as even I can't see into the future.

While I don't know yet how I scored on yesterday's test, here's some background. Initially there were about ten to twelve candidates for the job as far as I know. Four of us made it to the actual test round where we were given 7 questions regarding various security topics and law and regulations. Not all that much you could assume, but it took me about three hours of constant writing to wrap up the answers to those.

I knew all the other candidates as we all work together on a (semi) daily basis, which I found quite relaxing. No surprises there as you know whom you'll be "competing" against though that definitely doesn't make it any easier.

I'll probably know somewhere next week whether I made it to the next round, if there is such a thing.

This time the right 16th of the month rolls around and I'm ready to take a shot at a new future work-wise. The competition will be no laughing matter, yet on the other hand I bring quite some qualifications and potential to the field of honor myself. I'll keep you updated as things progress.

I'd like to start off by clearly stating that I think the right to strike is a necessity, and not a privilege. With that out of the way, let's take a look at today's national strike in Belgium which is organized to put pressure onto employers and politicians to make sure the wages an average Joe and Jane make keep up with the ever increasing cost of living.

I left home at 6h45 and was back home at 09h00. I was planned to have a training session today, which fell through due to strikers denying access to the plant where I work. A quick calculation tells me that 2h and 15 minutes of travel would cost about 31 euro based on the average hourly rate I get paid. Then there is the cost of the trip itself which is - based on official rates - good for another 12 euro. Total cost : 43 euro.

We're not even taking into calculation the resources and trainers allocated for the training that fell through, not forgetting it will need to be rescheduled. As far as I can see, my net purchasing power has taken a dip due to the strike, opposed to being safeguarded.

If you think I have missed something essential here, feel free to let me know :)

Thanks to some scheduling snafu - something that has never occurred before, really! - I had to work till 7AM instead of 6. When my site supervisor turned up and I pointed out that there was no team leader available for the early shift, the answer was "oh, but the client knows about it, and has agreed" to which I replied "very nice, but I have not nor did anyone tell or ask me anything upfront". I'm getting quite fed up with them just "assuming" opposed to asking/verifying.

Hence, my late arrival at home (07h45 instead of 06h30) due to the ever present traffic jams around this time of day. Off to bed now, so if you call and I don't pick up the phone immediately, I may still be asleep.

The past couple of days, things have progressively gotten worse and no matter what some people try to change things around, I often feel like it's all just a waste of time. Once the ship starts sinking, the rats leave, which really makes one wonder who's the smart one? The furry little critters that try to swim to shore, or the captain who's trying to keep the ship afloat, only to be discarded when a new and shiny vessel approaches the harbor.

When people is what you need to get things done, it would be smart to reward them even if just with a kind word or comment. We never ever see our employer or their representatives unless it is to get our balls busted about things that were out of our hands to begin with. It's like getting the order to cut a piece of metal into smaller chunks and receiving a toothpick to work with. A blunt toothpick of course.

It makes me very tired and irritated at times. On the 16th I've got a shot at something new, though realistically speaking, I don't stand a chance if... I'm not going there.

I just got home after working till nine AM instead of 6 AM. All of that because one colleague called in ill, though I'm rather certain his illness is mostly a lack of interest and nothing else. Gotta love those who take nothing serious and get away with it too. Good thing it ain't my call... It would have been his last day on the job, no doubt about that. It ain't the first time he pulls a stunt like this.

I've been trying for the past two days to get into a night shift sleeping rhythm, but it seems I've failed miserably. I usually don't have any problem switching from early, late or day to staying awake at night, but this time I just can't do it. Strange.

Anyway, tired or not, off I go...

A couple of phone calls later I know what my schedule for the next three days is looking like. I went from "a 9 hour day on Friday and the weekend off" to "three 8 hour days" instead. I love the way things are being communicated, that's for sure. When I compare my initial schedule for April with what it is at now, it turns out I went from 164 hours (planned) to 185.25 hours (effective). And the month ain't over yet, so who knows what will happen in that final week?

Anyway, a schedule for May should be available soon and that should bring some stability into everything once again - as far as such a thing is possible with a fucked up shift system as we have. It'll also allow me to finally communicate and plan the holiday that I wrote about a couple of posts ago.

I just got home after my first shift in my new position and to answer Nadia's question : it was the hell, or at least something that closely resembles it. I'm still wondering how I managed to get anyone an ID to enter that actually worked. I'm still suffering from my headache, runny yet clogged up nose (try combining that!) which definitely doesn't help to focus on things. However, it is exactly as I imagined it would be : stressful and I often - if not most of the time - am not in control of the situation, which is essential.

At the same time, I expected all of that, and I know that as time progresses I'll grow more experienced and slowly regain control making the job much easier to manage. Anyway, I'm skipping dinner altogether - apart from a very light snack - and am heading off to bed right away. I need sleep more than anything else right now. Yes, even more than sex, lol.

I just finished a call with my site supervisor and the representative of the company where we are deployed about something that had occurred yesterday. When I filed a report about it, I already knew questions would be asked and investigations conducted and for very good reasons too.

Unfortunately, I was unable to help them out much apart from what I had already written down in my report, which was less detailed or complete as I'd have wanted, but I stick to facts in my reporting, not assumptions. During the phone call I was asked about time of calls placed and received and such but I admitted not being able to provide them with the solid info they needed. The good thing is that the company representative already expected that - since he knows how I work and report things - and that he and other departments were actually very glad that we intercepted the particular transport before it left the site and guided it back inside to verify.

Those of you that know where I'm stationed will have no problem thinking what kind of transport I'm writing about - others will have to trust me if I say that you don't want anything to go wrong with this kind of shipments, even if it's just incomplete or incorrect paperwork (which was the case).

All things considered, I'm not at all surprised by being called on my 1 day off, and I don't even mind. Responsibility is not something you shed off when leaving work and as my site supervisor told me when I ran into him yesterday : "when you take your job serious, it is very demanding".

Update 14h30: A second phone call has just come in and changed my schedule for next week. Instead of working a day shift on Monday and Tuesday, I'll be taking over from a team leader on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday during late shift. More changes may be forthcoming, but I'll try to update as quickly as possible.

This may sound like a whiny post, but that's not the intention. It's just some kind of venting that ain't even necessary.

Left home at six AM, got home at 6 PM. Worked 9 hours, traveled three. Was able to get a very quick - uninterrupted - bite from 13:00 till 13:10. Had a whole three glasses of water - I drink about 2.5 to three liters of the blue gold on a regular day - and my throat hurts like crazy from dealing with everything that was coming my way today. But... I love my job and will only get better at it. I'm nearing the end of my training period (as far as I know) and the next weeks (or months) will turn out to be a challenge, stressful and tiring. However, they will not be a disaster : I've got enough experience in life and other jobs to adapt and grasp what knowledge I still lack. The need to constantly fine tune, lead and correct is not unlike my current/previous position, and I survived that too. No doubt I'll have cold feet at times, or take incorrect decisions, but neither bothers me really. It comes with the territory and those who fear failing, usually are first to fail.

I don't fear failing, as every failure is an opportunity to learn and do better. Falling down teaches you how to get up, and once you know how to get up, you start learning how to prevent falling in the first place. Life is a roller coaster. Ride it and enjoy, or get the fuck of the fast train.

I'm in the second week of my training for a new position in my current job, and today was one of these days where you've been very busy all day long, yet when someone were to ask "what have you done today?" you wouldn't be able to give them an answer that makes sense.

I'm picking up new things, skills and tasks daily and some of those are very easy - especially as I already have quite some experience for my previous position(s) to fall back on - while others prove to be more challenging. I'll continue to "run along" for the rest of the week, but on Monday I'll be testing the waters and checking whether I can start doing the job on my own, with a more experienced team leader not far away in case I mess up or forget important things. I know that the best way to learn it to do it yourself. Today I already did quite a lot of the tasks at hand, but I still lack an overview of everything that makes up the job.

One thing that pleasantly surprised me so far, is that I find it to be more enjoyable than I expected at first.

When I woke up this morning - well, late afternoon, but if I'm working night shifts, my mornings are your afternoons - I was pleasantly surprised. Not because there was a sexy cute female laying next to me in bed - I really have to work on that dream to reality converter - but because my body was hardly affected by my nightly walk.

About two weeks ago I had walked about 6 km and ended up feeling not all that well the day after, but last night I walked about double the distance and my muscles were just a little tense, nothing more. I hopped out of bed, waved my arms around for a minute to relax my shoulders and was ready to go another round. It has been quite a while since I did this kind of physical work, but underneath all the extra padding, my motor still seems capable to cope with it.

Tomorrow I'll be off to the sauna in the (early) afternoon, which will definitely help me relax even more and when we're done there, we're heading over to Joco's place to have some food and see the kids and wife. I'm looking forward to it already!

Today I worked my first shift again in the function I originally got when I first arrived at my current place of employment. It must have been over two years - if not longer - since I actually operated back in the field, and my body is sending signals that can't be ignored : ow, this hurts!

Lol, I was expecting that much, and in a way I'm rather pleased. Some movement and physical labor will make me lose weight rapidly and it puts me back in touch with the basics. Knowledge that has been "parked" for that long takes a while to dig back up, but I'm confident that by the end of this month I shouldn't have trouble with any assigned task anymore.

The result of all this physical activity is that I came home and crashed for just over an hour, or so I thought. It was closer to two hours, and I only dragged myself out of bed because I needed to decide what I was going to do when it came down to food for the next couple of meals. Either get clothed and run over to the store to shop for things to prepare myself, order in, or order takeaway food.

Guess what? Takeaway it is! I've put in an order large enough to feed an entire school, lol. Trying to recall what exactly I ordered - don't order food when half asleep - I may have gone a bit too far, but it'll feed me for the next 4 or 5 meals. Off to the Chinese takeaway I go, and after watching the news and some TV while eating, I'll be back off to bed so I get some rest before I wake up at 4AM again.

I got home this morning and had been running around for a couple of hours instead of going to bed coz I was trying to stay awake enough to go to a funeral service around ten. I didn't make it as I crashed around 9AM, only to be woken up by the door bell at 9h30. It was - assume - the mailman as I found an Amazon package in my mailbox containing the two Schwarze Nacht CD's I ordered last week. I headed back off to bed but couldn't really catch my sleep again.

Finally drifted off and was awaken again, this time by the phone around 14h30. It was someone from work calling in to see if I could work an extra night shift as a colleague needs time off urgently and for very good and understandable reasons. I was sort of looking forward to being home a full 2 days (Tuesday and Wednesday) - which would be a first since the day I started working this job I think - but said that I'd come in tonight and tomorrow night. This means I can't go in for a late shift on Thursday though, so it'll be Friday when I start working my late (or sunset) shifts.

Hell, if there are good reasons for it, I don't really mind filling in shifts and the extra night means more money at the end of the month - just less time to spend it in. Shouldn't be a problem with the festivities sneaking up on us soonish.

I'm going to update my schedule so everyone can keep track more or less.

I'm going to make a quick tour of the premises here to see if the storm that hit us last night has done any damage, but everything seems OK. Then I'm off to get some (or a lot) of food, as over the next 72 hours I'll be working 28 hours, not including traveling to and from work, which leaves little time, especially as there's a Sunday in that period of time (when everything is closed).

I definitely hope that today will be less stressful at work as yesterday, because it was hectic for sure. Around 18h00 I felt as if I had worked for 8 hours already and I was only halfway. Luckily shit stopped hitting the fan less frequently around nine, which allowed me to catch up with things before handing over the controls to my colleague.

Today I was handed a case that outlined a specific situation that was occurring, and I had to come up with a solution, and present and defend the measures I took before a 4 headed jury. I had around 30 minutes to prepare and make notes.

Presenting and defending the case took less than ten minutes, as the jury interrupted me after I was done with point 2 out of 4. Apparently they were rather pleased with what they had heard so they didn't feel the need to continue discussing my solution.

Off to work now!

It may come as a surprise to some of you, others may have seen it coming...

I think you all recall the soap opera called work (see Whistlers and Clows, episodes 1 to a zillion), and things have not really become more stable. I went in for testing last month and while results are available, those are being kept from us for whatever reason some may have. Yesterday I called my chef and asked him directly what was the status on the test results, he said someone higher up the food chain was pulling strings and advised me to talk to that person directly today. I agreed, even though I've never met the man before.

Today The Puppeteer called in a couple of minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start, claiming he couldn't make it. My chef called me and explained. I replied that I would call the woman who actually administered the tests, had a talk with me afterwards and who would analyze the results. He agreed and said he didn't have any problems with that, so I made the call, only to be told that as long as The Puppeteer and Those In Charge 1 don't make a public statement, no test results are to be given out.

I don't know what game people are playing, but I don't like being a piece in game of chess, where someone moves me as they see fit. Other developments this week have pissed me off in a major way, and most of the colleagues in the same function seem to think alike. We're en route to disaster and the roller coaster is picking up speed, and if one more mail, decision or statement is made without thinking it through, the brakes are off and the conflict could become uncontrollable.

I'm not saying what I'll be doing - or rather what I won't be doing - but those of you that can make a meaningful sentence using some of the following words know where I may be heading :

job opening elsewhere conflict end final straw decided opportunity take

Yesterday's night shift went sour beyond all belief. It all started when I left for work and noticed signs above the highway that announced speed limits in place, and they normally only show when an accident has happened or there is a serious traffic jam up ahead. As I was running late a bit already, I decided to not take any chances and left the highway and continued my way through the city center. It usually only takes me a couple of minutes longer, but it would still save me time when compared to being stuck in a traffic jam.

As I left the highway and peeked over the side of the road onto the ramp below it, it was clear that there was no congestion to be seen! Anyway, as I had exited already, city center route it was... There was an intervention going on by the fire brigade however and all traffic was directed away from where I needed to be. After some turns and twists I managed to get back on my route at a point that was not blocked by police and I continued my way. I arrived at work late but still in time.

Then - and I already had a feeling that was about to happen - I had forgotten my password to log on to the system again. This is the second time in 4 days, so I called in for assistance to have them reset my password. This required some extra verifications and actions to be taken by someone else, but those got delayed due to something that required our immediate attention. A situation that would be easier to handle if I could actually log on to the secondary system, but you know trouble always travels in pairs, don't you?

Finally I gained access to the system, and was able to process the paperwork for the event that had occurred, but the whole thing had put me behind so much that I played catch up all night. A problem that I thought was finished and dealt with about two weeks ago also popped up it's ugly head again and bit me in the ass. More delays, but I think it's all settled and solved now. I guess I'll find out tonight...

I was supposed to go work a late shift tomorrow, but I received a phone call earlier today from Those In Charge 2 to see if it would be possible to be at my employers HQ at nine AM sharp. Once our business there is concluded, I'm to report back to my regular site and work my shift as planned. It's gonna be a long long day, that's for sure : I'll probably leave around 7, maybe 7:30AM and get home around 22:30 PM at the earliest. I sure hope it's a one time visit.

I assume it's all for the best...

Update : After I was done at our HQ and was driving back home, I called Those In Charge 2, and it's good that I did : it turns out I wasn't working a late shift, but rather a day shift, so I was expected back at the site asap. Lol, the good thing is that I was done working at 16h30. The next two days I'll be working early shifts - different from the posted schedule - as one of the colleagues had something to do in the AM, so he'll be covering my PM shifts and I'll be working his early shifts.

I've got some updates on the Clowns Whistlers and Those In Charge soap. Nothing terribly exciting or specific, but news nonetheless.

Those In Charge 1 is kicking around like crazy, trying to set everyone up against each other, but some of us are no longer buying his lies and half truths. We've all came to realize what game is being played and are no longer pieces that can be moved around at will. Those In Charge 2 showed that he no longer cares quite clearly today, without saying it with that many words. I don't blame him, as he's got better futures ahead of him, and why spoil anything when you can just look and see it all go to hell and not get caught in anything nasty? Not totally fair maybe, but quite understandable.

Jarhead has stepped up a notch the setting out of his peons and chasing his own agenda while still trying to look as if he does it all for the best of everyone (or the company). I look right through him, and know what he is after. He may reach him goal, I'm not about to oppose him because I no longer care. Last week he proposed some kind of action in regard to something that had been developing, and I bluntly told him not to stick his nose where it didn't belong and that everything was already taken care of. He seemed a bit shocked by my reply and how I told him off, but quickly recovered and said he was only trying to help - yeah, right.

Yesterday Cabana Boy called in ill, this morning The Man called in ill, so we were down some folks and Those In Charge basically told of to follow the schedule as it had been planned before, and that he didn't really care. Fine with me, neither do I.

Another colleague will be leaving us soon, and I'm not surprised. He hasn't been with us very long, nor will there be a lot of experience lost if he goes, but it's another nail in the coffin.

Those In Charge 1 is not yet showing any signs of panic, but I just know that he's freaking out because things are not going according to plan. We ain't playing his game anymore and he knows very well that there is little he can do about it. If he or the company annoys us even further, more people may (or will) quit and tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine. I can imagine that if one or two more people decide it's been enough, it all goes down the drain very quickly.

I've got two leads in regards to another job so far, and I'm keeping my eyes open for others. I'm not saying I'll take any of them, or leave soon, but never say never.

Unrelated, but possibly equally important : why doesn't anyone seem to care that serious errors were made during yesterdays elections? If only I could find out where to complain, I would do so. I've mailed a couple of people, but none of them have replied : they either don't care, or are gathering more information before they get back to me.

The world goes bananas, I tell you!

As the plot intensifies, I've decided to stop using nicknames when referring to parties involved, or colleagues I've talked with. Instead I'll use nothing but a single letter or combination of letters to refer to people. It has become quite clear that the game played is one with very high stakes, and today new crucial details have surfaced. Details that will have an impact for sure, but I am unaware what impact. One thing remains the same though : some people are struggling hard to hold on to their position, move up, or avoid termination.

I talked to P. today and got a very strong feeling of general unpleasantness. Not so much towards me or most of the other colleagues, but rather towards Those In Charge. I also had a 45 minute talk with PDL and we seem to think along the same lines.

Sorry for being even more vague as before, but when "monitoring" of certain network traffic rears it's ugly head, I would be totally naive to assume no one is (closely) reading this blog. I will not post on this topic till it all comes to a close, or I am in such a position where I nor others can be hurt by my posts.

I've got about 30 minutes before I head off to work - aka Soap Hell - and I'm gathering everything work and contract related I can find here. I'll be studying the details of my contract quite closely over the following nights, paying special attention to severance clauses and times to take into consideration when getting fired or quitting.

I've always stated quite openly that I refuse to work a job that I don't enjoy. If push comes to shove, I will know where I stand and what my options and rights are. Much of it will however depend on how "Clowns, Whistlers, Those In Charge (Part 3)" plays out. Expect that sequel later this week as I'm awaiting the outcome of some other meeting(s) bound to take place in the next couple of days.

It's been years since I was so infuriated and angry. Somewhere during the last century I took the decision to spend my time on things I could change and influence, and let the rest be. I was happy with that conscience call, though I felt I had lost a lot of my drive and passion doing so.

The passion and anger are back : I'm not one to shout and scream, make noise or tear things apart. Instead I will observe, calculate and decide. No warning, no turning back, no doubt - once my decision is made, I'll follow through with it.

I'm not yet at a decision making point. You'll know it when it unfolds.

Maybe trying to get this second installment of the story right now is not the best of ideas, as I just got off the phone with a colleague, and before that I had a long talk with The Clown. But... let me keep all that for later while I finish the story as it was up until a couple of hours ago. I'm too furious to see it all in perspective I guess, and I guess that's also what they are counting upon.

Anyway, back to the story for now :

5 teams, one of them now without a leader. I wouldn't mind working closely with The Tongue, or Middle of the Road. Jarhead and I, we can work together professionally but we'll never be friends or even close colleagues. The good thing is that we both realize it and have come to an agreement that works. He does his job, I do mine and we get along. Nothing less, and definitely nothing more.

That leaves The Whistler... The Whistler joined the company years and years ago, and has been working on the same job for centuries. He's very laid back, doesn't care much about anything and unless you ask him upfront, he won't give anything away. No one wants to work with The Whistler as far as I'm aware, and then team he leads is usually one that excels in nothing but mediocrity. Partially that would be due to the people that are part of the team, but mostly due to The Whistler not caring a bit. You know how one attracts another, and it all goes down the drain, that's exactly what happens when people move into his team.

The Whistler became a team leader because in the old days, that is the way it was done. Stick around long enough and in the end you'll end up in a position of leadership. Whether or not you're fit to lead, didn't matter. That's where The Whistler is right now.

If anyone was to be removed from his position, it shouldn't be The Clown. However, not everything that should happen, happens, that's clear by now. There is more to this story than I fully realize yet, and I doubt if anyone will ever know the complete truth since some people may be playing a very dirty game, even if they are not aware yet they're part of it.

Forget "Neighbors", or "Bold and the Beautiful"... The work politics at my job beat all the intrigues and backstabbing in any soap with two fingers up their nose.

Maybe this is a good time to start and look back at what I've accomplished so far, and where I'm heading. I've always said that I'd quit if I didn't like my job anymore. That time is getting dangerously close, especially if it all turns out the direction it's heading in now.

Sure enough, I realize that all the rumors and gossiping should be taken with a grain of salt, but as they say : if there's smoke, there's fire.

Keep your eyes open for... Part 3!

Thanks for the comment on the previous post, Nadia, glad to see that at least someone is wondering what is happening. Your comment about lycanthropes and wolves was pretty interesting, though you referred to the role and position of the Alpha Dog in relation to the pack itself, whereas I was more interested to see how the pack would react towards to the killer of their Alpha Dog.

As you probably realize, we are not a pack of wolves - though we can become one when the situation calls for it - and while there are a couple of options to replace the Alpha Dog (one of them being one of the pack becoming the new leader) I think we are not yet at that point in time, though it is probably not that far away.

OK, enough vagueness and crap now. Let's take this to meatspace :

Five teams, all of them lead by their own chief. I'm not going to call names here, as that would lead to no extra information for readers that don't work the same site as I do, yet could lead to trouble up ahead. Instead I'll all give them a nickname. The team of which I'm a part has been lead by The Clown up to two days ago. Then we also have a team lead by The Tongue, another one is lead by Middle of the Road, one is lead by The Whistler and finally the fifth team is being lead by Jarhead.

The Clown didn't steal his name : Young, often a bit stubborn and overenthusiastic he had run into trouble with Those In Charge several times before. Every time he pulled through and was granted immunity for his actions. While they may have been foolish or not well thought through, they never were malicious nor wrong. He knew his job very well, loved it, but refused to take it al that serious at times. There is a time of work and a time to play, and in our team those often coincided. We tried to take everything in jest, while still performing above par, and we usually had tons of fun doing it. Those In Charge often took offense when we joked and laughed in tense situations, but exactly that attitude kept us going and relaxed.

The Clown however, was getting fed up with the constant bickering and petty remarks and had been looking for another job for a while. He was even asked by a different department within our clients company to come work for them. Knowing this could lead to trouble, The Clown decided to only tell a few close people - basically his own team - and one Big Shot of the company that employs us.

Wednesday evening I received a call from Those In Charge 2 that The Clown had been removed from our clients site and was not to be given access anymore. This would probably only be a temporary measure, for they wanted him to meet with Big Shot. Apparently they didn't know that The Clown and Big Shot had already talked that afternoon and had set up a day and time to meet next week.They didn't know, or didn't care... who'll ever know?

I talked to The Clown later that evening and got a different story from him. He also had gotten a call from Those In Charge 2, but towards him they played it a lot more serious. When The Clown called Those In Charge 1 and asked for an explanation and some extra information he got the answer "I can't tell you that, blah blah blah" after which Those In Charge 1 turned the subject onto something else. The Clown replied by calling Those In Charge 1 "vijg" and hanging up the phone to get in touch with Those In Charge 2.

So far the story goes for now. There is more to it, but that'll have to go into another entry.

After it being quite a tense and stressful day - see my earlier entry - I just received some even more unsettling news, that was rather unexpected. How it will affect everyone in the team remains to be seen, as it is quite unclear what the implications are on mid and long term, but it will definitely have a major impact.

I've decided not to inform my team mates yet as there is little hard info I can relay to them, and I'd rather do this in person opposed to by phone. While I'm not pleased with the current situation, I hope it can all change for the better in the long run because I "know" that we are a solid team that works as one and tackles difficulties in unity.

A few hypothetical questions :

- How does the pack react, when one shoots at the alpha dog?
- How does the pack react, when one kills the alpha dog?

I feel like a vegetable right now, after a mentally quite tiring shift. Calls and alarms just kept on coming in, requiring attention, handling and closer inspection. Combined with the increased workload, we usually also have more people in the field to dispatch to those alarms, and while that may be good in itself, it also increases the workload as they need to dispatched, followed up and feedback received from them.

All of that results in a stream of phones ringing, beeps, calls and radio chatter - a stream that never ends, it merely slows down at times. When in a timespan of less then 30 minutes three additional situations requiring immediate attention were thrown into the mix, I may have yelled for a minute or two as I struggled to resolve one incident when the next one occurred. I've been at this job for 3 years now, and I've learned that it pays off to remain calm, but it's not always that easy. At the end of my shift, the three incidents were resolved, reports were filed and my colleague that took over was handed a clean - though filled to the brim - slate.

Right now I'm laying on my couch, and I'm going to pop in another Green Wing DVD and catch episode 4 of the second season. Too bad the sexy and every lovely Sarah Alexander left for Canada at the end of episode 3, I wouldn't mind seeing more of her.

I got home about thirty minutes ago, after going out for a drink with the colleagues of the team at work. As usual, a very fun time was had with lots of laughs and jokes, often at other team members' expense :)

That's just the way we all are : we give and take, make fun and are made fun of... balance is essential. I love my team, I really do. (Now I sound like my team leader after one too many Duvels, when he gets all emotional, but he's got a point.)

Another stressful day at work, even though we are less "in the dark" as we were 2 days ago. The more time I spend there, the more I start wondering if some people actually know what they are doing... Which is, to say the least, very frustrating. I'll sleep like a baby tonight, because being frustrated and annoyed is very intensive and it wears you out rapidly.

Luckily I had a listening ear yesterday to whom I could vent, coz it was getting a little too much.

I'm running like crazy trying to get as much done as possible, yet found a couple of minutes - nothing more than that though - to quickly jab down an entry here. I've been up since 8h36 and am leaving for work in less than 15 minutes. Work till 22h00 and then get back home after a - no doubt about it - stressful day. Repeat on saturday and sunday, though those are more regular 8 hours shifts.

Stay home monday, yes a full day, then early shifts till friday. 9 days of work and 1 full day off. Joy!

I got pretty pissed off at work today, partially due to a colleague - let's call him PJ - who still manages to fuck up even the most basic tasks, and partially due to a developing situation that we are kept in the dark about. I was not the only one who got quite furious over PJ's total lack of procedures, professionalism or understanding what the job entails, as when I walked in to take the shi(f)t over from my early colleague, he warned me immediately about PJ's recent stupidities. Unfortunately, neither of us has the authority to kick him PJ out for once and for all, and those who can do so either don't seem to care, or don't dare admit they've got a replacement that does fit the requirements.

The second issue, being kept in the dark, can be best described with an example : If you tell a doctor he's responsible for the well being of an ill patient - but at the same time refuse to tell him what illness the patient has - how well do you suspect the doctor will do? Do you think the patient will have a fair shot at survival? I'm one of the doctors in the dark, and it ticks me off in a major way.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, let alone the weekend. Unrelated, but since I'm on a rant, this can be added for good measure : If next month it turns out I got screwed over because of how my employer or the client chooses to plan things, they'll redefine their definition of "shit hitting the fan" quite rapidly.

A long day ahead tomorrow, and going by the weather today, it's gonna be a cold one as well. I'm so not looking forward to it, but then again, it's "only" 10 hours of agony, and then off for one full day. Friday, graveyard shifts start...

Update : I just got home and the day wasn't so bad after all. It was rather calm and I had a colleague to give training on the job so that kept me busy as well. My feet hurt and my back aches, but those are things that should be gone after a good rest.

I just finished opening a quite large parcel that I received about a week ago containing my new work uniform. Much to my surprise, everything fits quite well. I've prepared three return parcels containing my old clothes, but won't send them out till January 1st as that could make things unnecessary difficult. If only they had put instructions on how to wear the tie in the box, that would make things easier. I know quite well how to tie a tie, but these are clip on ties and they don't have a string as the earlier ones, but just a clip that is supposed to fit in (?) or over (?) something. I'll check with my colleagues tomorrow, maybe someone figured it out :)

Oh, I managed to throw my puffy in the dryer so I'll sleep warm and cosy tonight!

You know the adagio that is something looks too good to be true, it usually is?

I'm on leave from friday the 22nd till tuesday the 26th. Normally spoken I had to work tomorrow, but I found a colleague eager to take over my shift, and it resulted in a win-win situation : he had extra time, and I got rid of a crap shift, and would have 2 extra days off from work.

Today the assistant chief called me - while I was looking forward to being off for almost a full week! - and asked if I could come in on thursday. To work the same crap shift I just got rid off on wednesday. I'm not pleased at all, and even though I can flat out say no, I know where this'll probably end : me working on thursday.

I hate myself for feeling so damn responsible and willing all the time, especially because there will be nothing coming my way in a way of appreciation. Sure, I'll get a "thank you for covering this hole in the schedule" from my direct supervisors, but I'm getting tired of being a puppet on a string. We are short on personnel and things ain't improving. I have already covered a shift for someone this month, I don't intend to do that again and again.

I'm well aware that my supervisors are not to blame (completely) as they also just have to play the hand they got, but it's pissing me off. I'm seriously considering saying no and - insert idle hope here - make things difficult so they have to come up with a more permanent solution.

You can only jerk people around so long, at a certain point the string breaks or becomes quite inflexible.

Luckily I got out of bed late today, or I'd have been forced to say no. I got a phone call from the dispatcher on duty about an hour ago - I took a shower and shaved before starting to write this entry - asking if I could work a night shift today. As I start my regular night shifts tomorrow, I figured "why not" and agreed to do so. When I inquired as to what job I'd be doing, the dispatched had no clue. However, when he told me the name of the colleague that had fallen ill, I knew what would be expected of me.

I'm not really surprised that said colleague has suddenly become ill - it's not the first and won't be the last time. Off to grab something to eat now and then prepare for work.

Outside a seriously stormy wind is picking up, leaves are flying through the air and it's rather chilly - autumn to the fullest extend. I'm about to head off to bed to enjoy the cozy warmth of it.

This is no time to be awake - I'd rather be in bed sleeping. Sometimes early shift just hurts :(

Tonight's shift was "one too much" if you ask me. About one hour into the shift, I got a terrible headache and didn't feel too well, but I survived. Will have a very good rest now before I take on the rest of the day.

How tired is he, you may wonder? I'm way tired. Even if the stunningly sexy Tanja Dexters would ring my bell right this moment, I'd tell her to come back later. I'm that tired. See you all in a couple of hours!

Lol, I just finished some IQ test and scored a nice 124. Not too shabby for having worked an 8 hour nightshift if you ask me. Check Test Mijn IQ if you want to try it yourself.

Ain't it wonderful to have your colleagues call you at 7AM after you got home from a nightshift, because some fool took home keys? And it wasn't me? Not only he took keys home, he also grabbed the wrong coat, to complete the mess. I just love working with idiots, I truely do. One has to appreciate the total lack of responsability some people manage to cultivate. Unforunately, none of this will directly lead to the one and only final solution : fire his ass.

Another drop in the bucket I suppose. Now... if he calls me while I'm asleep, whether it be on the phone or on the doorbell, someone will be in quite some trouble, that I guarantee. Let's hope he manages to find my address and drop the keys in the correct mailbox. That in itself may be too harsh a task to successfully complete for a dimwit such as him.

Tired. Off to bed. It's been a long night, but luckily quite uneventful.

I've got nothing new to report really, so I wonder why I'm writing this entry. Tai is playing around with one of his new toys, and outside it's raining. At least the heat is gone for the time being, and I'm not sorry about it at all.

Yesterday we had a unexperienced colleague in the team and after he did one of his tasks, I went out and checked everything myself. The task he was assigned wasn't even that difficult, though it was his first time doing it. I'd rather not have him around because although he seemed quite promising to start off with, he proves to be a man that answers affirmative when asked if he knows what to do, yet clearly shows he has not a clue when out in the field.

When one gives him tips or explains something, he doesn't consider it necessary to take notes. I have no problem with people asking me for help once, twice or as many times as necessary, but I can't stand people that consider my time and effort to be trivial or show no appreciation for it. He was expecting to be my backup tonight, but I made it quite clear that he'll be working the site today as well.

It seems I had something to tell you all after all :)

Sure enough, I get back home after a long wardrive and a stop over at Bob & Hilda's place, and the phone rings... It is J., assistant chief at work, asking if I could work a day shift tomorrow (8h00 till 16h30). Normally spoken I'd have said no, but he had a pretty good argument : it's cool at work, which is true. And more hours of work means a better paycheck, or so I hope. And helping out here and there alows for easier leverage if I need something. So, off to work we go tomorrow!

Yesterday sucked, today should be better. That's all.

Update 15h00 : I clearly forgot to take into account the impact of a load of people working on a saturday, of which quite a lot needed our assistance sooner or later. What options are there to handle a workload of 10 with a team of 5 but to curse and do what can be done with a miracle on the side every now and then? We could all have just said "screw this" and went home, but we're too professional to do such a thing. Unforunately, some people know this and would rather push us a bit over the limit than get more people to deal with the workload. Ah well, another day, another gripe I suppose.

I just got a call from the assistant site supervisor who wanted to know whether I'd mind working a slightly different shift than originally planned. Since it's only 30 minutes off from the planned shift, I don't mind, though I would have not minded working outside again.

I spend most - if not all - my shifts between 4 walls and a bunch of tv screens, so actually seeing some sunlight (or rain) would have been nice. Well, not tomorrow, as I'll be working in a nuclear zone from 06h00 till 14h00, overlooking a lock (and the operations with/on it) between two zones. As far as I know now, a deadly accident has occured in France, where someone was killed when one of the doors was opened and the was still a serious pressure difference. I don't know if the accident is recent, but it's good to know that our client takes precautions to prevent it happening.

I just got home from my nightshift 15 minutes ago. Some technical issues kept me working 3 hours past the end of my shift. My bed is really calling me right now... Zzzzz

I just got off the phone with my team leader to check in on the current situation at work. Apparently things have gone from hectic, over crazy to completely insane. I'm looking forward to heading off to work tomorrow afternoon, but I'll have to call the colleagues one more time tomorrow morning to get a status update before I leave.

I volunteered to come in early tomorrow, but as they haven't called or mailed me today, it doesn't seem to be neccessary - yet. That's all I can and will say about it for now.

I'm gonna leave for work early today, so I can have a workout before I start my nightshift. I'm not really looking forward to it, but on the other hand, I felt so energetic after the workout on friday that I just know it's the right thing to do. I just remember that I have to look for some papers as well, because the site supervisor has asked for copies of them for some sort of an audit. I promised I'd deliver them to him asap.

Better get my ass in gear then. If I leave around seven, I can work out for close to an hour and a half, before I hit the shower and start my shift.

Today wasn't worse than yesterday, but equally hard I'd say. Busy, but I kept things under control, and got through the shift. I'll be glad when it's tuesday afternoon though! The next days and weeks promise to be very interesting and exciting but I'll write more as and if I can. After all, there are things I have to keep confidential, as that's a requirement in my line of work.

Even though today and yesterday were "weekend" I worked them both and they were much more exciting than any other normal weekday. Yesterday there were some technical problems that occured, but as they were scheduled, it wasn't too bad. We had extra people on site to deal with things as they happened, and in the end we didn't even need them. I bet though that I they hadn't been there, things probably would have gone up shit creek.

Today everything was happily running when we noticed some thing out of the ordinary and took immediate investigative actions, assessed the situation, made notes and reported to the correct channels. I can tell you that my stress levels rose considerably for a while, til my colleague and I got things under controle as much as it was possible. I hope to hear more tomorrow as things are investigated further and others make enquiries as well.

It was a busy two days, and I hope somehow that tomorrow - in less than 2 hours that is - will be less demanding.

Do you know that feeling, where you had one beer too much, one more pancake than you could handle, or made love one time too many that night? I'm not sure the latter exists, but the rest you probably are familiar with. Well, yesterday at work was my one too many shift. It had been rather busy in the afternoon and the second operator was not really up to speed, which means most of the tasks were handled by me. Nothing special, but maybe a sort of warning of things to come.

I knew there would be a drill and I was prepared, and as far as I know, things went smoothly. However, as these drills put extra pressure and tasks on our already overloaded plate, things got hectic and didn't cool down. While I was organizing tasks and people to get everything done, setting priorities, coordinating things and at the same time still writing a report about the drill that had ended less than an hour ago, the emergency phone line rang.

I dropped everything, picked it up, and wrote down all the details I was given. I started the emergency procedures required for this type of situation and while doing so my judgement was off and I made a mistake. All things considered, my mistake wasn't dangerous or critical, but there is no need to shoot a canon when hunting for mice. However due to that bad judgement call, I was flooded with calls, requests for information and I had a very hard time getting a grip on the situation.

When I finally completed my report on the drill and emergency situation - including the mistake I made - and I was about to send it out to some people, I kind of cracked and realized that sending out the report as such wouldn't be a good idea. I picked up the phone and called the assistant site supervisor to consult him, even though he was not on call or standby. After explaining the situation to him, we decided that I'd send my report to him, and he'd take a look at it before sending it to the customer. Not because what I wrote was incorrect, but maybe not as politely or professional as it could/should have been.

That's what happens when pushing people to and over the edge. If you want a professional team that can deal with everything thrown at them, no matter the situation or the time, you can't keep on cutting back on people and tools, while the demands rise week after week. Is that due to the policy of our customer, or due to the policy of my employer? My idea is that it is both.

It was a busy day at work, loads of things going on and constant organizing and reorganizing to close gaps, but in the end I believe we managed things quite well. Tomorrow will be more of the same, yet different. I'll be glad when the clock strikes ten tomorrow evening, as that'll mean no less than 4 whole days off.

I just finished having a nice fish meal, consisting of some salmon and a tuna steak. Now I'm gonna watch NYPD Blue before I head off to bed.

Earlier today I received a letter from the IRS, which I was kind of expecting, however the information it contained was not exactly what I expected. When I filed my taxes last year, I knew I would get back a nice amount of cash this year. Now it seems they've recalculated my income for the year 2003 as well, and until I get a letter about my income over 2004 and the taxes on that, I have no clue how it'll all pan out. So far things are looking good, but I sure hope it adds up to what I guestimated last year.

Yesterday evening I mailed out a remark to my site supervisor and his assistant in regard to new procedures going into effect today. Apparently today this has caused some turbulence as we had to sign off on the new procedure, which I refused for the time being.

Even though I only leave for work in about 30 minutes, I've already received a call from my team leader - whom I keep up to date on everything that affects me or people in our team - as well as from the assistant site supervisor. Let it be clear that the procedure itself is not the problem - I don't like all the details in it, but it is what it is and I'll have to accept it as such - but rather the documents concerning it. I made that clear in my mail and in the conversation, and I think things are resolved now. So, I'll sign their document and everybody is happy again :)

I just got a call from someone in regard to the recent changes at work and the frustrations it causes. As far as I can see, they're starting to realize that in order to change things around, you need to communicate in advance, and plenty. I don't know yet if they'll be able to undo the damages done so far, but at least they've started working on restoring calm and tranquility amongst the teams and teamleaders.

I'm glad about the call, as this gave me the opportunity to voice my concerns and give feedback. More as it develops.

Shit is really hitting the fan at work and everyone feels like puppets on a string. The question remains though, who is pulling the strings, and why? Keep in mind that anyone pulling strings could be suprised by a sudden downward force taking down whomever being on top. Ah well, workplace drama, I guess it happens everywhere.

I'm working nightshifts for the moment and I can't be arsed for the time being to get too much involved, but that doesn't mean I'm not forming an opinion on everything said and done. What I find most revolting though, is the way everything is done : few to no communication but to those it affects directly, leaving everyone else confused, two weeks before most people are off on holidays, and everything will be going into effect on January 1st. Very smart reasoning if you ask me, yet very cowardly as well. Put down your foot, divide and conquor, lie through your teeth and make sure there is no time for employees to "regroup".

Off to read in my new books : "The Gift of Fear", "On Killing (The psychological cost of learning how to kill in war and society)" and "Brass".

I just got a call from one of the colleagues at work in regards to a meeting that was held this afternoon. I don't know specifics just yet, but what I've heard so far doesn't sound too positive. I'm gonna go in for work tonight and I hope to hear some more details and only then I'll make up my mind. How the new schedules will affect me, or the people in my team is unclear, but I think many people will be either disappointed or plain furious.

The fact that once again - this isn't the first time - everyone is brought up to date through less than official channels, only adds to the rumours, making it rather difficult or even impossible to change perspectives of those involved later on. Knowing that we had a team meeting only last thursday and the subject was touched briefly but then dismissed as "not yet clear, nor decided upon" or "only going into effect february 1st" we are now facing facts. I have no clue how all this will pan out : it could be positive, or very negative. There's no way to know yet, but that it'll affect the way we work and how things are organised hugely, is certain.

I got a call earlier today asking whether I'd mind coming in tomorrow for a day shift, instead of being home. I agreed, and will now have wednesday off as replacement. Unless of course I ask to work that shift as well :p

keep this in mind :

1. stay calm
2. analyse the situation
3. stay calm
4. resolve the situation
5. stay calm
6. document and learn.

When applied to todays events it worked like a charm. When you go blind and deaf, extend your tentacles. Use them to feed you the information you need. Follow your intuition and gather information, come out unaffected and on top.

That's all information I can offer right now for leaving work over 1 hour later.