You all know I like to toy around sometimes, don't you? Well, tonight I received one of those illustrious scam mails also knows as a 419. And you know what? I'm gonna answer them scammers and see how far and long I can push them around - for funsies. And it'll all be documented right here, because at friedkitten.com, we believe entertainment can be in the smallest things.
Here's the original mail from Miriam Abacha (edited for layout). Hit it!
Date: 17 Nov 2003 22:21:40 -0000
From: "MRS.MARIAM ABACHA" <[email protected]>
Reply-To: "MRS.MARIAM ABACHA" <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
FROM MARIAM ABACHA.
Complement of the season. I hope you will not be embarrassed when you get this mail.I am Hajir Marian Abacha, wife of late Gen. Sani Abacha ex-military head of state of federal republic of Nigeria. Who died mysteriously as a result of cardiac arrest on the 8th of June 1998.I am making this contact because of the urgent need of your assistance, though my family has no previous relationship with you. Since after the death of my husband, family has never had rest of mind because of intimidation and harassment, with lots of negative reports emanating from the present democratic government and press about my late husbands regime. Our bank accounts both local and abroad has been frozen by the government and my eldest son is still being detained by the government for more interrogation about my husbands assets and some vital documents. My movement is restricted and my traveling documents seized, including my international passport which was seized by the government security agent.
Following the recent discovery of my husbands bank deposit with Swiss Bank, in which the huge sum of US$120 million and Dutch Mark 96Million was lodged, I decided to contact you to assist me to transfer the sum of US$26.5 Million to your country. Since the government has ensured that our bank accounts are frozen and all assets seized.
This money was meant to be used for my husbands re-election campaign. It was lodged in one of the leading security companies in Nigeria in defaced form and in vaults / Boxes. The only person that knows about this transaction is my late husbands personal attorney, whom he confided with the relevant document papers relating to this transaction before he died and would be the one to handle this transaction on behalf of my family.
Considering the circumstances now, we cannot claim the money here in Nigeria. We have concluded all arrangement with an offshore Security Company to move this money through diplomatic means to a country where it could be directly transferred to your nominated account to ensure absolute safety and risk-free transfer of the money
After a successful transfer, 20% will be for you for your assistance, while 75% will be banked for my family on trust, pending on when we would decide on suitable business to invest in your country.You are free to visit this websites:
Immediately you reply and indicate your interest, I would instruct the attorney to furnish you with the details and how to go forward. Contact me with my email address. I need not to remind you of the confidentiality which this transaction demands. Keep this proposal secret, even if you dont want to assist me.
I await your response.
Hajia Mariam Abacha.
So, let's send a nice reply to these scammers (notice all the name changes playing with words I did?) :
Dear Miss Mariam Achaba,
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband! I hope you are doing fine after he was arrested in his cadillac on the 8th of June 1998. I never knew Nigeria had cadillacs, but I think that your late husband being the general of a military state, it allowed for extra privileges.
Is your son still captured and being investigated? They sure must have a lot of questions for him then, especially about the vital organs of his father. I think that if you have 96 million dollar and 120 million Dutch Marks* on an account of a Swedish bank, you should be able to pull some strings to get him out soon though! I'm sure the Swedish governement would like to assist you in that matter, because not even the Nigerian government should be able to hold someone in prison that long.
You say that you need my assistance in doing something for you by diplomatic means, but I am not a diplomat at all. I'm just a small citizen of an even smaller country called Luxemburg, although my roots are in Asia, so I'm not sure I can help you? I am willing to host some of your daughters though ;)
Pan DHe Monik
PS : that first link you sent me does not seem to exist anymore, could you send me another link with more information please?
Well... that's it for now. Let's see what happens next. For those not up to date with currencies, there is no such things as a Dutch Mark. It's the German Mark they are referring to, or the Dutch Guilder - and those were both replaced by the Euro. Something we'll use to our advantage later on in the conversation, if the scammers decide to reply.
Notes : it seems this 419 is a brand new one... the mailabachafamily.com domain has been registered on november 14th, 2003. Just days ago, so that means I should be able to get them to do fun stuff - like hand me the development contract for that site or so ;)