After telling people that I would come in today and tomorrow to work a night shift, I went and took a shower, then headed back off to bed for just over two hours. I haven't slept a second during that time. Everything aches and is painful, I'm hot and cold at the same time yet I don't run a fever (37.4° Celsius). I haven't eaten anything but a small breakfast this morning around eight, and I don't really feel like it either.
It'll be one fun night at work...

This sounds like you've got the flu. Under the sheets, boy! Give the flu the chance to break loose.
You're right, it feels and tastes like the flu. After 12 hours under the sheets feeling like hell, I was able to work a night shift rather painlessly.
I'll spend most of my time in bed today though, just to get the last traces of it out of my system and regain some energy.
Good boy! :-)