Fear of the unknown...


It seems like my temperature is rising again, and I haven't been watching too much porn today. There is no such thing as too much porn.

I'm heading off to bed, after I make myself a nice cup of tea with lotsa lemon and honey, and then try to sleep it off. Damn, I wish this damn thing would be gone by now.

I just gave someone advice of the heart. Yes, me. I can see you're suprised, and to be honest, I was a bit surprised as well. It's always so much easier to tell others what to do, while you can't get a direction in your own life.

I still let my brain rule over my heart. Well, to be honest, I'm scared to follow my heart, as I don't want to get hurt. The funniest thing is that I've not been hurt that much in the past - well, I've been hurt once, and even that was not really bad since we broke up in the nicest possible way - yet I don't want to open up to anyone but my ferrets.

All of this reminds me of Pink Floyd - "Another brick in the wall". I know that building walls is easier as being 'open source', but I don't want (?) to do anything about it right now. Is there someone out there willing to give me a hand to tear down this wall?

Hell, I know some people who will stand up and say "Yes! I am here, and I can and will help you tear down that wall." While I believe they can, I may not accept their help, for reasons even unknown to me. Call it fear of the unknown. Less then 2 weeks ago I travelled to countries I didn't know, to people I didn't know and all by myself. Yet I'm not ready to look into myself. I'm scared to do so.

Note : I've rewritten this entry a few times, and I usually don't rewrite entries. I think I know that it means I've been fighting to get this out. This is however not a call for help. It's a simple constatation of facts. I'm good a facts, but I suck at emotions.


I have so much to say about your latest entry, but it's all so personal, and anything I could type here would come out sounding like advice, and I don't think that's cool.

I will summarize with the statement "Jerry, you're a tough nut to crack."

Ash, you hit the nail on the head ;)

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This page contains a single entry by ServMe published on January 12, 2003 11:44 PM.

Faster = better? was the previous entry in this blog.

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